Just Sitting Still

Last week, I was upstairs organizing some things in our guest room and I caught my thoughts running amok in my head. So I started paying attention. Although I was in task mode and getting a lot done, my mind was spinning with “You should be doing ____ instead. Why did you do this like that anyway? You’ll never get to that thing over there. How come you haven’t done any of the things you said you would? You should’ve done this better.”

It wasn’t long after the spinning thoughts that I started to feel that twinge of burning in my chest and that uptick in my pulse. I knew I needed to change something.

A bath, some instrumental music, and a lit candle for an hour was what I chose. An hour of being still and talking with God. Within seconds of beginning to pray, tears welled up in my eyes. I heard God say, “Slow down.”

(Okay. This is a Zack Morris Timeout moment. “Heard God say.” What does that mean? Well, we all hear God in different ways. This particular time, it meant that these words were whispered in my brain, almost like my own thoughts. But it was so fast and so automatic, I knew it was God. Also, it was good and kind. That’s God’s voice.)

The moment a couple of weeks ago that I realized we were all going to be stuck at home, I created a note on my phone entitled “Coronavirus Goals.” Honestly. That was one of the first things I did as a response to the new quarantine rules. (And some of you did it, too, I bet!) Now, I don’t think goal setting during this time is bad. But - I do think we can do in order to avoid things.

In this instance, I was avoiding being loved by God. Of course, I didn’t know I was doing that. I was just getting things done and working hard and fast. But it was that whole earning thing that just naturally rises up in me if I’m not careful.

Did you know that “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) is also translated as “Cease striving and know that I am God”? Cease striving. I was definitely striving and didn’t even know it. So during my hour of doing absolutely nothing with my hands, I let myself talk to God and allowed myself to be loved by him. And the rest of the day was different.

God isn’t a magician and he isn’t into formulas. So I’m not suggesting that all you need is an hour in the bath and you’ll have a better day. But what is true is that he wants to connect with you, and, oftentimes, we don’t even know we are blocking him out.

I started writing this song in February, having no idea that in a few weeks we would all be challenged to believe these things on new levels. I pray you’ll take time to sit still in God’s presence and to let yourself be loved by him.

“I am loved just sitting still
Nothing to do
Nothing to fix
Nothing to say
Nothing to pray

I am seen in all the ways
In all the hurt
All the pain
All confusion
All anger
In all the ache”